Occasions
Mother of the bride dresses: etiquette, colours and lengths
Mother of the bride dresses follow a few long-standing customs: she chooses first, avoids white, and matches the formality of the wedding. This page sets out that etiquette, the lengths that suit each dress code, and how to coordinate with the mother of the groom.
On this page
The etiquette in five rules
- Ask the couple first. Their dress code, colours and wishes come before any tradition.
- The mother of the bride chooses first, then tells the mother of the groom the colour, length and level of formality so the two can coordinate.
- Avoid white — and the ivory, cream and champagne shades that can read as bridal in photographs — unless the couple asks everyone to wear white.
- Match the formality of the wedding: floor length for a black-tie or formal evening wedding; tea or midi length for an afternoon, outdoor or less formal one.
- Coordinate, don't match. The two mothers usually wear the same length and similar formality, in colours that sit well with the bridal party without copying the bridesmaids.
Length by dress code
| Wedding | Length | Typical choices |
|---|---|---|
| White tie | Floor | A full-length evening gown, with long gloves and optional jewellery or a tiara |
| Black tie / formal evening | Floor | An evening gown; a jacket or wrap over bare shoulders for the ceremony |
| Cocktail / semi-formal | Knee to tea | A cocktail dress or a dress and jacket |
| Daytime, garden or civil | Knee to midi | A day dress, or a dress and jacket |
Anything shorter than the knee is generally avoided unless the wedding is explicitly casual. See dress lengths and trains for the name of every hem height.
Colours
Apart from white and near-white, there is no fixed rule. A safe approach is a colour that sits in the wedding palette — a deeper or softer shade of the bridesmaids' colour, or a neutral such as navy, grey or silver — and check it against the bridesmaid swatch in daylight. Black is now worn at some formal evening weddings, but ask first: some families still associate it with mourning.
Share a photo, not a description “Dusty blue” means different things to different people. Send the mother of the groom and the couple a photo of the dress or a fabric swatch before buying.
Shape, sleeves and fit
The mother of the bride stands, greets, sits through the ceremony and dinner and dances, for many hours. Silhouettes that move easily — A-line, Empire or a soft sheath — in a fabric that does not crease badly are the practical choice. Sleeves, a bolero or a light wrap add cover for a religious ceremony and warmth in the evening.
- Measure carefully. Formal-dress charts differ from everyday sizes; use the measuring guide.
- Plan alterations. Leave time for at least one fitting with the shoes and underwear you will wear.
- Think about the photos. The mothers stand beside the couple in many family pictures; similar length and formality look balanced.
Frequently asked questions
Who chooses the dress first, the mother of the bride or the mother of the groom?
Traditionally the mother of the bride chooses first and shares the colour, length and formality with the mother of the groom so they can coordinate.
Can the mother of the bride wear white?
Traditionally no — white, ivory, cream and champagne can be mistaken for the bride. The exception is when the couple asks all guests to wear white.
Should the mother of the bride wear a long dress?
At a black-tie or formal evening wedding, yes. For an afternoon, outdoor or less formal wedding, tea or midi length is usual.
Should the two mothers match?
They should coordinate rather than match: a similar length and formality, in different colours that suit the wedding palette.
Keep reading
- Bridesmaid dresses: matching, colours, fabrics and who paysBridesmaid dresses explained: the roles in a bridal party, matching or mix-and-match, silhouettes and fabrics that suit several bodies, swatches and who pays.
- Wedding dress train lengths and dress hemlines explainedWedding dress train lengths from sweep to royal cathedral, in metres and feet, plus the named dress lengths from mini to floor and which suits which occasion.
- Dress fabrics: chiffon, satin, tulle, organza, lace and moreDress fabrics for formal and wedding dresses compared: chiffon, georgette, charmeuse, crêpe, satin, lace, taffeta, organza and tulle, and how to judge a swatch.
- Wedding accessories: veil lengths, gloves, wraps, sashes and bouquetsWedding accessories explained: veil lengths from blusher to cathedral, mantillas, glove lengths, wraps and boleros, sashes, tiaras and bridal bouquet shapes.
Formal Dress Guide is an independent reference. It does not sell, make, rent or alter dresses, has no connection with any designer, brand or shop, and has no connection with any earlier owner of this domain.